So This Is What Menopause Feels Like

Some of the side effects of Lupron are compared to those of menopause: hot flashes, insomnia, nausea, etc.  It is only day 3 of the injections and I am experiencing all three and then some!  I have had crazy vivid dreams that when I wake up I can't tell if it was real or not.  In addition, I slept like crap last night and have had many bouts of nausea today (thank god for saltine crackers!).  I don't know that I have had an all out hot flash yet, but last night before bed I had to have Jon turn my ceiling fan on and I am sitting here at my desk with my mini fan blasting on me while my office co-worker has her space heater on!  Therefore, I'm thinking that I am having constant hot flashes.  :) 

I am surprised at how easy the administering of the injections has been.  I didn't sleep well Friday night knowing that the injections would begin Saturday and spent most of the day on Saturday dreading 6pm (my injection time).  All of that ended up being for nothing as the needle is no bigger than one used to inject insulin and I hardly felt a poke on my stomach. 

On Sunday I woke up with a feeling that I can really do this.  For the first time since all of this started, my spirits have been really high and we really appreciate all of the well wishes from everyone!

Chickens!!!

We're getting chickens this spring!!  I'm so excited!  Chicken eggs and meat are one of the main things that cause me anxiety in regards to food.  I am so picky about what I buy and usually am able to get farm fresh eggs from my aunt.  However, when I can't, I spend the big bucks and get the organic, cage free, etc. super expensive eggs.  Likewise, I spend big bucks on chicken as well.  In just a couple of months, we will be able to have our own farm raised, free range chickens!  Not only does that help financially, but it will also help to fertilize our lawn and garden as well as keep the bug population down.  Here is an example of a mobile chicken coop that we have in mind:

I can't wait to see what Jon comes up with.  I'm sure we'll modify a few designs to make something that works for us. 

On the IVF front, I start the Lupron injections tomorrow in my stomach.  Slightly nervous about it, but also looking forward to getting off the birth control next Wednesday!  Jon did awesome in injection training so I'm sure he'll have no problem mixing the meds and injecting them into my stomach, thighs and eventually hip/butt area.  In addition, the IVF specialist told us that if we remember to ask on the day of our retrieval, the nurses will draw 2 bullseye's on my upper butt/lower back area for the injections.  Sounds funny, but totally worth it to not get poked in the sciatic nerve!!

Keep us in your prayers!!

They Say Some People Can't Change...

And they're wrong!  My relationship with my dad was strained at best while growing up.  However, we had been able to reconnect and grow our relationship after I moved back to the G.R. area.  Slowly but surely things got better between us, but still weren't to where they should be.  I felt that I couldn't really let my guard down completely because I had been let down so many times in the past.  Well, I have to say that he did something extraordinary by taking some of the stress out of our lives yesterday.  He surprised us by helping us out financially with our IVF costs.  In addition, the money that he gave is not to be paid back; he said that his payback will be when he gets to hold his grandchild in his arms...aaaaand cue tears!  I was a blubbering mess after this news and don't know how I'm going to be able to thank him enough.  This was the first time in my life that he has given such a gift without me asking for it. 

On a related note, we had more prayers answered yesterday when another family member (who wishes to remain anonymous) gave us a substantial gift of money toward our IVF costs as well....aaaand cue tears again!  It was a very wet night in our house last night!  This family member said that they knew how much we have struggled to get pregnant and they wanted to help make things easier on us.  It really made us realize how absolutely AMAZING our families are and what wonderful support systems we have (financially and emotionally).  We are also excited for the day when we can pay forward the amazing generosity that has been given to us.  Needless to say, I awoke feeling very refreshed this morning and really looking forward to the weeks ahead!

Tears for Fears

They are more than just a band from the 80's, they are what I have been blinking back all day.  I never knew that going through all of this would be so taxing emotionally.  Sure, it's been tough the past two years of getting excited every month only to find out that Aunt Flo has let you down again and shown her bitchy face.  But nothing has prepared me for how scared and unsure I am about this whole process.  I'm not scared to get pregnant and become a mother; in fact, that is the only thing that is pushing me to get through this.  My fear is in it not working.  Not only is the financial burden of it all very tough to swallow, but if this doesn't work, we will have spent all of that money for nothing.  In addition, I will have put my body through an insane rollercoaster of hormones that is just not good for you.  (My mom had to point out just how bad they were for me the other day when I informed her of what I would be taking.  She was appalled that I would be receiving injections of something that they prescribe for their male patients with prostate cancer.  I informed her that IVF has been around for over 30 years and I'm pretty sure they know what they're doing!)  Nevertheless, these two thoughts bring tears to my eyes everytime I sit and let myself think about them. 

On a positive note, Jon has really amazed me this week.  He has never been one that handles news about money well (mainly when we have to spend it).  I actually had to sit him down last week and ask him if he really wanted to do this because if he did, he was going to have to man up.  I couldn' t have the stress of him freaking out about every little thing because I need to keep myself as stress free as possible.  When he informed me that he would "try", I told him that trying just wasn't good enough; he had to say, "I will".  He then agreed and responded well when I told him that he had to be my rock through all of this.  He had to keep me strong.  I then introduced him to the new motto in our house, "Oh well".  I told him that for the next couple of months if the laundry didn't get done, if dinner didn't get made on time, if someone gets pissed because we couldn't make an appearance for something...oh well!  This is my mantra for attempting to be stress free.  Apparently he has adopted it too because when I came home on Wednesday almost in tears because I found out how much my meds were going to cost, he simply said, "oh well".  I could have kissed him ( I did actually) because he said the #1 thing that I needed to hear right then. 

On a side note, I am attributing all of these tears to birth control; I am not normally this emotional.  I am also attributing the 5 disgusting pounds that I have gained over the past 10 days as well as the extremely tender and everyday growing breasts and cramps.  Have I mentioned how much I hate birth control???

Hopefully my next post will be a little more positive.  10 days until our next doctor's visit in Warren!